1.
Ashley Bayes
|
1999/2000's
"dodgy keeper", now established as only a slightly dodgy keeper.
We've seen a lot worse. Won't leave his line except for last-minute corners at the
other end of the ground. |
2.
Matthew Joseph
|
Covers
an amazing amount of ground, but our little Bajan Rocket isn't always sure what
he's doing. |
3.
Matthew Lockwood
|
Classy
free-kick, penalty and corner taker. Doesn't look like a defender and should
probably be playing left midfield. Could be back by Christmas. Desperate to
get away. |
4.
Dean Smith
|
Deano
is our leader. He's not too quick, but he's quite good really. |
5.
David McGhee
|
Really
makes the most of his limited ability. 'Debbie' can honestly play in central
defence, midfield or up front. Has filled in well at left-back as well. |
6.
Simon Downer
|
A
young, quick, calm defender with genuine potential. Probably out for the season. |
7.
Andy Harris
|
Completely
reborn as a ball-winner in midfield. His vision is better than his passing ability.
Slow legs. He will never score. |
8.
Jabo Ibehre
|
Young
striker - looks fast, skilful and strong (he'll get even stronger) and takes up
intelligent positions. First touch, though...? Will probably be sold for
£11,000. |
9.
Steve Watts
|
Now
given Griff's shirt, so he must be our number one striker. Best known for posing
nude for More magazine and being seen with fake-breasted 'glamour' models. |
10.
Iyseden Christie
|
The
most exciting player at the club. Terrifying to play against, his wild bull runs and
unpredictable ball-play must make 'Eyesdown' pretty terrifying to play with.
Could be back in November/December. |
11.
Gary Fletcher
|
Young
striker signed from Northwich Victoria because he scored against us in the Cup - a lousy
reason to buy a player. Always 'injured' and on his way out. |
12.
Scott Barrett
|
Old
goalie, ate all the pies, has a place in everyone's hearts after the '99 play-off semi
penalty save. Doing some coaching as well. |
13.
Aaron McLean
|
Short,
young striker. Has recovered from his 2nd broken leg, so obviously won't mind being
given his new squad number. |
14.
Christopher Tate
|
Tall
and cumbersome striker, reminiscent of Mark Cooper. One of our aerial
options. Has the potential to become a cult player - Brisbane Road could yet be full
of fans copying that ridiculous beard. |
15.
Jeff Minton
|
Ageing
midfielder with a poor injury record. Has ability on the ball and can tackle. |
16.
Billy Beall
|
Dull
midfielder - his mother obviously played "round and round the garden" with him
too often as a child. Started to show an ability to pass first time - that's a
rarity in this division. |
17.
John Martin
|
Has
skill, but the short, skinny left-sider made his debut three seasons ago and still looks
the same. |
18.
Scott Oakes
|
Former
Premier League midfielder. Should be at his peak now but usually injured, so he
signed for us. Once scored a hat-trick for Luton to knock W*** H** out of the Cup.
Out for the season. |
19.
Brendan McElholm
|
Irish
youth international defender - has been used in midfield. Could well get better with
time. |
20.
Jay Murray
|
Young
striker on loan to Sutton. |
21.
Neil Gough
|
Young
striker / midfielder. Clumsy. |
22.
David Parsons
|
Young
midfielder, big and not very good. |
23.
Chris Dorrian
|
Young,
tall defender, on loan to Dover. |
24.
Phil Hadland
|
Young
winger signed from Rochdale. |
25.
Scott Canham
|
Hello,
hello - he's back again... |
26.
Steve Castle
|
Oh god
- is he still here? Well, now he's had his testimonial he's on loan at
Stevenage and could stay there. |
27.
Scott Houghton
|
Potentially
exciting ageing winger. When he's good, he's good - when he's bad, he's
spectacularly awful. |
28.
Ronnie Gould
|
Young
midfielder on loan to Heybridge Swifts.. |
29.
Kelechi Opara
|
Young
striker, more or less kicked out of Colchester for persistent bad behaviour. Quite
big, skilful and apparently fast - though we've seen no sign of that so far. On loan
to Purfleet. Probably going. |
30.
Billy Jones
|
Young,
left-sided defender. |
31.
Danny Grimsdell
|
Young -
on loan at Aveley. |
32.
Craig Brown
|
Young
striker who bailed out of QPR's sinking ship. |
33.
Kevin Stephens
|
Big,
young, central defender. |
34.
Daniel Hatcher
|
Young,
fast striker. |
35.
Glenn Morris
|
Young
goalie. |
36.
Donny Barnard
|
Young
and quite tall - used as a defender. |
37.
|
|
Tommy
Morgan
|
Young
striker on loan to Billericay. |
Niam
Uka
|
Young
and skilful - so we're told. On loan at Wingate & Finchley. |
| Robbie
Herrera |
Useless
old left-back who can't get in the Torquay team. |
