Orientitis... it's an Orient thing

 - players

Yes, there are a lot of them.  These are opinions of the players - if you want to know the usual stuff, we suggest you try Soccerbase or some of the fan sites on the links page.

1. Ashley Bayes

1999/2000's "dodgy keeper", now established as only a slightly dodgy keeper.  We've seen a lot worse.  Won't leave his line except for last-minute corners at the other end of the ground.

2. Matthew Joseph

Covers an amazing amount of ground, but our little Bajan Rocket isn't always sure what he's doing.

3. Matthew Lockwood

Classy free-kick, penalty and corner taker.  Doesn't look like a defender and should probably be playing left midfield.  Could be back by Christmas.  Desperate to get away.

4. Dean Smith

Deano is our leader.   He's not too quick, but he's quite good really.

5. David McGhee

Really makes the most of his limited ability.  'Debbie' can honestly play in central defence, midfield or up front.  Has filled in well at left-back as well.

6. Simon Downer

A young, quick, calm defender with genuine potential.  Probably out for the season.

7. Andy Harris

Completely reborn as a ball-winner in midfield.  His vision is better than his passing ability.   Slow legs.  He will never score.

8. Jabo Ibehre

Young striker - looks fast, skilful and strong (he'll get even stronger) and takes up intelligent positions.  First touch, though...?   Will probably be sold for 11,000.

9. Steve Watts

Now given Griff's shirt, so he must be our number one striker.  Best known for posing nude for More magazine and being seen with fake-breasted 'glamour' models.

10. Iyseden Christie

The most exciting player at the club.  Terrifying to play against, his wild bull runs and unpredictable ball-play must make 'Eyesdown' pretty terrifying to play with.  Could be back in November/December.

11. Gary Fletcher

Young striker signed from Northwich Victoria because he scored against us in the Cup - a lousy reason to buy a player.  Always 'injured' and on his way out.

12. Scott Barrett

Old goalie, ate all the pies, has a place in everyone's hearts after the '99 play-off semi penalty save.  Doing some coaching as well.

13. Aaron McLean

Short, young striker.  Has recovered from his 2nd broken leg, so obviously won't mind being given his new squad number.

14. Christopher Tate

Tall and cumbersome striker, reminiscent of Mark Cooper.  One of our aerial options.  Has the potential to become a cult player - Brisbane Road could yet be full of fans copying that ridiculous beard.

15. Jeff Minton

Ageing midfielder with a poor injury record.  Has ability on the ball and can tackle.

16. Billy Beall

Dull midfielder - his mother obviously played "round and round the garden" with him too often as a child.  Started to show an ability to pass first time - that's a rarity in this division.

17. John Martin

Has skill, but the short, skinny left-sider made his debut three seasons ago and still looks the same.

18. Scott Oakes

Former Premier League midfielder.  Should be at his peak now but usually injured, so he signed for us.  Once scored a hat-trick for Luton to knock W*** H** out of the Cup.   Out for the season.

19. Brendan McElholm

Irish youth international defender - has been used in midfield.  Could well get better with time.

20. Jay Murray

Young striker on loan to Sutton.

21. Neil Gough

Young striker / midfielder.  Clumsy.

22. David Parsons

Young midfielder, big and not very good.

23. Chris Dorrian

Young, tall defender, on loan to Dover.

24. Phil Hadland

Young winger signed from Rochdale.

25. Scott Canham

Hello, hello - he's back again...

26. Steve Castle

Oh god - is he still here?   Well, now he's had his testimonial he's on loan at Stevenage and could stay there.

27. Scott Houghton

Potentially exciting ageing winger.  When he's good, he's good - when he's bad, he's spectacularly awful.

28. Ronnie Gould

Young midfielder on loan to Heybridge Swifts..

29. Kelechi Opara

Young striker, more or less kicked out of Colchester for persistent bad behaviour.  Quite big, skilful and apparently fast - though we've seen no sign of that so far.  On loan to Purfleet.  Probably going.

30. Billy Jones

Young, left-sided defender.

31. Danny Grimsdell

Young - on loan at Aveley.

32. Craig Brown

Young striker who bailed out of QPR's sinking ship.

33. Kevin Stephens

Big, young, central defender.

34. Daniel Hatcher

Young, fast striker.

35. Glenn Morris

Young goalie.

36. Donny Barnard

Young and quite tall - used as a defender.

37.

Tommy Morgan

Young striker on loan to Billericay.

Niam Uka

Young and skilful - so we're told.  On loan at Wingate & Finchley.
Robbie Herrera Useless old left-back who can't get in the Torquay team.

Disagree?  Let us know